Essentials

Damn it, I just want to love this guy. His heart seems like it is really in the right place. Listening to Alex Jones interviewing a politician is as close as I get to a religious experience. It is intensely gratifying to watch him do a hostile ambush interview. Though his heart is in the right place, his mind, on the other hand, has taken a few steps past hard-nosed firebrand toward the Emerald City. In fact, I think he actually visited the Wizard already and gotten out of there before he noticed the little guy behind the curtain. He saw the giant, translucent, demonic head floating in midair, and he was convinced. Why don't you just admit it, Alex! You've been to the Emerald City, haven't you, and had your secret lickspittle audience with The Great and Powerful Oz! What did you discuss, Alex, with the Great and Powerful Oz? Did it make you feel all warm inside to rub shoulders with the mighty Oz? What were your orders to your minions upon return? World domination, worldwide slavery, radical population reduction, unlimited life-extension?

Don't get me wrong. Alex Jones really does his homework~~, but I think he is just a little schizo.~~ However, he reads articles and gets the wrong ideas from them. Here is a good exercise. You will notice that in Alex's documentaries, there is always the ominous music, and whenever he shows documents on video, it is with a shakey hand-held camera. Well, thanks to the advent of YouTube, you can hit pause and actually read the article. I tried this, and it is amazing to see the enormous difference between what the articles say and what Alex Jones tells you they say. This is why Alex Jones is able to convince huge numbers of people who don't check their facts that we are in the final stages of a worldwide police-state takeover.

Oh, "lying" is such an ugly word. Much like Stephen Colbert "feels the news at" us, let us say Alex just "misreads" or "misinterprets" the news for us. And paranoid is such a clinical, cold-sounding word. Let's say his concerns about a possible corrupt worldwide ruling class overrides his better judgment. Perhaps you have to be a little schizo to unearth all the stuff he unearths, and much of what he says is worth listening to, much like Michael Moore is also worth listening to if you take him with a grain of salt and watch critically, but I have to tell you all that I can't endorse Alex's conclusions that the Illuminati is trying to impose world domination. Now, there are many lines of power that remain stable over the generations in this world, lines that lie behind the overt political landscape, and they may be sinister in their own ways, but this idea of the Illuminati as a secret organization that controls the world, having its own iconography and organized structure, with presumably, since Alex is a Christian, Beealzebub as its CEO, well, that is ~~a paranoid schizophrenic delusion~~ the work of an overactive imagination. I might argue that it is just another example of religion degrading a brilliant mind, because Alex is brilliant firebrand and gadfly. However, at this writing, 25% of Americans think that Jesus is coming back this very year, and some people just don't seem to get tired of being wrong all the time, so Alex will find followers. It's just too bad that ~~these suckers won't put their money where their mouths are and bet me, because I could be a rich motherfucker right now~~ these folks can't be more skeptical in their viewing habits.

But let's not try to analyse Alex's Illuminati worldview right now. Let's just take a look at how his mind works. Once, I heard a guy call in to his show and tell him to I think it was "get punked." This is a phrase used to tell a man basically to get anally raped. Alex does not tolerate profanity on his show, which I respect. However, after he cut the guy off, he explained that he did not feel angry at him, because he was obviously a victim of the viscious prison system, which is admittedly basically a group of gay rape camps run by the government. He spoke to the man very tenderly, and told him how sorry he was that he had been raped in prison, and learned the language of that vicious culture we cultivate in our midst using tax dollars etc. This went on for a good while.

Now, everything Alex said about the prison system was true. However, he turned to the camera and told us the caller's life story just from hearing him say two words. Our shared indignation at these injustices has us on Alex's side, and we follow him. He does talk very fast, you know, and before long, we are on to the next point before we realize that there is no way Alex could have known anything about the caller. I heard a little kid say "get punked" recently, and I found out that he didn't even know what the phrase meant. Likewise, Alex pegged another callers as a frat boy just because he called him a "fucking liberal," or some such comment. How does Alex know he was a frat boy? Well, the logic goes, I guess, Alex hates rich frat boys, frat boys are known to call people fucking liberals, so the caller was a frat boy. No, Alex. A good portion of the country is rabidly anti-liberal, even though these Fox watching morons don't even know what the word means. It could have been anybody. Little kids use the phrase "get punked" without knowing what it means. And, no, you can't telepathically determine a person's life story by two-word phrases uttered over a phone line. Okay okay, I admit that TV psychics claim to do that. I have no objections if you put Alex in the same category.

The most off the wall stuff I have heard Alex say was that the rich were starting to live in compounds where they are doing genetic experiments and cloning, trying to become immortal. Now, although I think that this kind of technology is possible, I really don't think it is happening yet, but one thing I am sure about is that Alex Jones is talking out of his ass on this one. This is just a conjecture based on the worst case scenario that Alex's ~~paranoia~~ deep mistrust of the government constructed. I have caught him arguing opposite points of view at different times during his programs, much like you will catch Noam Chomsky doing. I wish I could remember them for you, but there are plenty of outright delusions in every episode of the Alex Jones show. I have heard other people claim that some of his facts are made up. I would not doubt it. Well, at least he keeps a large group of angry weirdos from blaming everything on the Jews again.

I know it's tempting to get behind Alex Jones when he rips some Republican a new one, and he is tireless and fearless, but I just can't tell my friends to give him any credence because I just know that the decision would come back and bite me on the ass. However, do check him out at Prison Planet and Infowars. Just watch where you step. You might end up scraping your shoe sole with a twig. Oh, and for you conspiracy theorists, "paradigm" is pronounced "par-a-dime" not "par-a-dig-um."